Old habits die hard. Unfortunate but true. After nearly a year of ascetic frugality, it seems almost bewildering to have so much money. This excess comes from the fact that the schooling year is over and I no longer need to pay for tuition, books, etc... at least until next year.

After deductions, I used to have about twenty dollars to spend a month however I liked. This deduction does not count food.  Basically, I never had any spare money to throw around, not if I was interested in eating in school anyway. Which I wasn't. But money will run away, somehow, if it can. I usually skipped meals in school three days out of five- a habit severely disapproved of by my family, or at least they would greatly disapprove of it if they knew.

However, as Aristotle said, if you pretend something long enough, you become it. There is also the (dubious) saying that if you practice something for more than 21 days straight it will become a habit. Consequently this self-starvation has, basically, given me the eating habits that, no doubt, are highly coveted by teenage girls desperate to lose weight. Although now I have more money that I can shake a fist at, I still eat only two meals a day -lunch and dinner- and I eat as little as I can get away with, usually one small soup bowl of whatever. I favour vegetables. I drink constantly- coffee, tea, water. These habits came about because a) Small meals can be eaten quicker: more time to study, and b) Liquids can be taken without interrupting study.

I cannot contemplate spending money either. I still refuse to buy clothes, and I feel slightly disturbed at the thought of watching a movie in a theater because I will have to pay for it. I don't eat fast food. I only make an exception for books, which are my sole desire.

This habits have all combined to make me feel both deeply austere and deeply disturbed. There is nothing wrong with this way of life, I know- it is just that everyone I know pressures me about it. My frugality was a sore point with a friend whose family is part of the nouveau riche: she once commented, rather darkly, about how self-denying I was. And of course there are all the people concerned by my eating habits. Too deep a reluctance to spend money, apparently, is as grave a worry as a tendency to be too fond of spending.

Whenever I am tempted by anything, however, I just have to think about the dreaded future and it is enough to keep my wallet safely in my pocket, where it belongs. (?)