I am alone, but not lonely. Some people were made to be solitary. I did not realise this before. I never knew, before, how lovely it would be to walk by yourself, to watch an entire movie in the darkness of a theater without someone at your side, or how fulfilling it could be just to live this life alone- without someone trying to control, or influence, or change what you want and how you feel. It is so wonderful- so joyous- so liberating. Why do so many people want to be with so many people?
When people ask me how I can endure being alone so much, I want to ask them, "How can you endure, not being alone?" And I do not know why, or how; I only know that I have never been this content, I have never felt this safe. And I need this feeling of safety- I need it like so few people do. Why? I only know that deep within me is a mad compulsion to be safe, to stay at a distance, to keep my secrets. Nothing is more important than this need to be safe- nothing.
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